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crack theory time

Okay so HERE WE GO, THIS IS TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE.

Amy is a fobwatched Time Lord. BUT NO, you say, that’s ridiculous! We’ve seen her growing up in Leadworth, her childhood wasn’t an imaginary story put into her head by a chameleon arch! Well no, you’re quite right. Amy’s real parents were Time Lords who knew, back during the Time War, that things were about to get very very bad and they might not live through it, and they wanted their baby daughter to be safe. So they fobwatched her and then traveled to 1989 Scotland and gave her to a newly married couple, chosen because they were good and decent people and because one of them had red hair, and they told the Ponds to keep her safe and not to tell anyone about them. And then they were going to give the Ponds custody of the fob watch, but they decided, no, that’s not safe, it shouldn’t be in the house where she grows up, she might find it. So instead they traveled a little ways into the future and found the Ponds living in this tiny village of Leadworth and there was this little boy who was Amelia’s best friend and was obviously totally in love with her, and they thought, he’ll look after her, he’s a serious kid. So they came up to him and gave him the watch and said, keep this absolutely safe and never let Amelia see it. And Rory was all wide-eyed and like “Okay, I promise.”

And he keeps that promise, for years, until he and Amy have grown up and gotten married and are living on the TARDIS with the Doctor, and Rory’s still got the watch, he always keeps it with his stuff, but when Team TARDIS splits up between “The Impossible Astronaut” and “Day of the Moon” to go hunt Silence all over the USA, Amy grabs a bunch of random socks and clothes and stuff from their bedroom to pack before she leaves, and somehow the watch ends up in her suitcase and she takes it with her. And a few weeks pass, and she’s living in some random hotel in Utah trying to find Silence, and she goes to her suitcase to grab some clothes to change into, and she sees this watch, and it’s really weird because she feels like she’s seen it before somehow, and so she opens it, and suddenly all this light comes out and she feels her whole body changing and she has no idea what happens, and then a few seconds later it’s over, and she’s like, what the hell. She looks the same but her whole body feels different, her heart feels really weird and her blood is pumping differently and her hands are glowing just a little bit, and she’s terrified. Of course she was fobwatched when she was just a baby so it’s not like she has any new memories pouring into her brain of a life she never had — as far as she’s concerned, the watch has just made her feel really sick or something.

But there’s something worse coming, because the Silence have been waiting for her. They’ve known for years that she was a fobwatched Time Lord and have been patiently waiting for her to get pregnant so that they can activate the fob watch and watch her biology rewrite itself AND the biology of the baby in her womb, so that they can take her and get themselves a Time Lord baby, because that’s what this has been all about, really, getting a Time Lord baby to raise as their own and train as a weapon to fight against the Doctor. And to their delight, they didn’t even have to activate the fobwatch themselves, Amy did it on her own. So they come and capture her, and take her someplace far away and lock her in a birthing chamber and put a Ganger duplicate back in the hotel room, and before they plumb Amy’s mind into the Ganger, they wipe her memory of the whole thing and also plant a suggestion that she should pack up the watch and put it safely back in her and Rory’s room the next time she’s on the TARDIS. Which she does, and Rory never knows it’s even gone. And for the remainder of the three months of Silence-investigating and the rest of Series 6 so far, Ganger!Amy has no idea that her original body has actually been transformed back into a Time Lord’s body (the Silence scanned her with their Flesh technology before she opened the watch, so her Ganger’s body is a normal human one), and it’s not until the Doctor cuts off the plumbing signal in “The Almost People” that she wakes up back in her real body and discovers that she is now a Time Lord about to give birth to a Time Lord baby. Who will then be taken by the Silence and Mrs. Eyepatchy and raised and trained to kill the Doctor.

Amy, on the other hand, is going to be rescued, and Rory will freak out when he discovers that his wife is now a Time Lord and is going to outlive him by hundreds and hundreds of years, and the Doctor will freak out when he realizes that HOLY CRAP THERE ARE MORE TIME LORDS NOW, and Amy will be freaking out for looooooots of reasons, and they’ll try to rescue the baby but it won’t work, and in the process Amy will be shot or injured or something and she’ll have to regenerate and to the utter shock of everyone involved she’ll regenerate into River Song, and everyone will be like WHAT. WHAT. WHAAAAAAAAT. and she’ll be like WHAT. I CAN’T BE RIVER. HOW THE HELL AM I RIVER. RIVER’S NOT ME, RIVER’S RIVER. And the Doctor will be like YOU CAN’T BE RIVER, THAT WOULD MEAN YOU’VE BEEN HAVING ADVENTURES AND INTERACTING WITH YOUR PAST SELF, THERE WOULD BE A RUPTURE IN THE TIME SPACE CONTINUUM! except then he realizes that, technically, it’s been TimeLord!River interacting with human!Amy, which is different and non-universe-blowy-uppy. And Rory’s like YOU CAN’T BE RIVER, RIVER’S SNOGGED HIM and Amy’s like I’M NOT GOING TO SNOG HIM, RORY and the Doctor’s like WELL ACTUALLY… and they both glare at him and so he decides very wisely to leave and takes the TARDIS to go visit River in Stormcage in her future and demands an explanation and she’s like UH WELL YEAH HEH HEH I USED TO BE AMY, SURPRISE and things get really complicated and basically stuff happens and Amy/River leaves to live with Rory in Leadworth for years until finally he dies.

And then she calls the Doctor. And he comes back for her and takes her away in the TARDIS. And while Rory was alive she tried to be as human as possible for him, but now he’s gone, and yes she’s heartbroken and mourns her husband, but she also decides, okay, I’m a Time Lord now, that’s all I have left, and I want to learn how to be a Time Lord because I don’t know how, I know nothing about their culture or history or anything. So the Doctor teaches her to speak Gallifreyan, and he tells her all about the history of their people and introduces her to the literature and the art and the religion and the technology, and he explains to her the odd little idiosyncracies of Time Lord biology that she hasn’t already figured out herself (how to control your respiratory bypass system, how to stop one of your hearts if you have to, how to use your timesense, stuff like that), and she learns how to fly the TARDIS, and he very patiently helps her get acquainted with all the bizarre scientific and technological babble that should be in a Time Lord’s head, and eventually she asks him and he tells her the story of the Time War, the whole story, and it breaks her heart, because at last, after all this time, learning so much, she finally feels like they’re talking about her people, and she can’t believe that they’re all gone and she’s never going to get to meet them. And her grief isn’t anywhere close to the Doctor’s, of course, but it’s real.

And throughout all of this she and the Doctor have slowly been falling in love, of course, but he’s worried because isn’t their relationship supposed to be wibbly-wobbly and timey-wimey? Aren’t they supposed to keep meeting in the wrong order? How does that work if she’s spending years traveling with him on the TARDIS, very much in the right order? And she stops and thinks for a minute, and then she says, “You know what? I think I lied.” She’s just a damn good actor and has been totally trolling past!Doctor and amping up the mystery levels with the journal and all the wistful moments and spoilahs just to throw him off the scent of the truth. And because she needs to be there for some of their old adventures (the Silence, the Pandorica, the Byzantium, the Library), he drops her off at the right time and place and lets her go off and do her thing with his past self and companions, and then he picks her up afterwards every time and they go fly their TARDIS off somewhere else. And maybe Amy and Rory’s Time Lord baby is still out there, grown up, and they meet her and have adventures that don’t involve killing or kidnapping, or maybe not, who knows. Whatever they do, it’s spectacular.

SOMEONE MUST WRITE THIS. PLEASE.

Comments

I think that you already wrote it all it needs is a bit of conversation and interactions. I do love your theory it sounds almost plausible.
Thanks! Maybe I'll give writing this a shot over the summer hiatus...the horrible, horrible summer hiatus...
Oh yeah the dreaded summer haitus I just can't stand the thought of not having my DW for such a long time. I think Moffet is trying to torture me. I will be happy to beta when you do write it.
Oh, thanks! If I end up writing it I shall let you know. :)
I THINK YOU JUST DID, SCOLIOSIS!TWIN.

By the way, I never knew until now *how* funny you are. You're hilarious. The paragraph with the CAPS lock had me laughing out loud, as well as that last paragraph. You could probably make this into a meta!fanfic. And I'd laugh and rec' it to everyone in creation. Or, you know, my Whovian friends.

I SUPPORT THIS CRACK THEORY.
AWW, THANKS. I'm kind of itching to turn this into a fic now, actually...but I'm going to wait until after next week at the very least, because THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE THAT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS IN EPISODE SEVEN. *terrifying unblinking gaze of an unhealthily obsessed fan*

Also, as an aside, my brain has morphed your LJ name and your Tumblr name into one, so I now involuntarily think of you as Tasty Carrots. Thought you might like to know.
*terrifying unblinking gaze of an unhealthily obsessed fan*

I KNOW THAT GLAZED-EYE STARE TOO WELL. I introduced a friend into fanfiction tonight. Or, at least told her about its existence. I'm pretty sure I got that look when talking to her about it. *head nods off to the right*

I approve of Tasty Carrots. Even if it does take away the pun of TastyKakes. And my name. BUT IT'S COOL. YOU'RE SCOLIOSIS!TWIN TO ME NOW. Hm, not sure how my real life twin will feel about that. :p
Oh good lord. I cannot imagine introducing someone to fanfiction for the first time. My face would melt from the shame. Case in point: my dad overheard me and a friend talking about how creepy we thought RPF (real person fanfic) was a couple of weeks ago, and he was like "What's real person fanfic?" and I was like UH. UM. NOTHING. And he was like "No, really?" and I sort of burbled out an explanation and he literally did the "weirded out" look that people do in TV shows and I was like THERE IS A REASON I DID NOT WANT TO EXPLAIN TO YOU, I KNOW IT IS WEIRD.

...yeah.

HOORAY I HAVE AN AWESOME NICKNAME NOW TOO. *dances*
HAHAHAHHAHAHA totally has read and written rpf I BLAME MATT AND KAREN. FOR THEIR ADORABLENESS.

She actually took it well. I've come to terms with my nerdiness and can be quite frank with it to my friends not in Whovian world. Because... well... most of my friends have some level of nerdiness in them already. Not all of them know about fanfiction, though I have a back-up story to explain it if someone asks (like my Dad did one time when he caught me giggling while reading): "I'm reading a story about Doctor Who." THE END.
[I BLAME MATT AND KAREN. FOR THEIR ADORABLENESS.]

FOR SERIOUS. It's not OUR fault we ship them. THEY FLIRT. If you flirt and you are the two sexiest people alive, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SHIP YOU.
That comment is filled with truth. (exhibit A: icon)
I want to write this SO BADLY.

But alas, I have a job and no time to write the fics I've been planning for all season. </333
I feel ya, hon. Sigh. So little time, so many possible fics...
I absolutely adore all of you. So. Much.

It's posts like this that make being crazily obsessed over a fandom totally worthwhile, and knowing I'm not alone in the hesitancy of sharing that I of write fanfiction with my friends in real life.

GAH! I wish I was cool and had a gif to show how I feel about this post right now. <3 <3 <3
Awwww, thanks!

[GAH! I wish I was cool and had a gif to show how I feel about this post right now.]

I FEEL LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.
Especially on tumblr! I'm always like "I'm an adult, and I barely have enough time to write all my pointless opinions on livejournal, let alone get photoshop and waste my time on pointless gifs."

I just leave it up to the sixteen year old professionals. ^^
This is amazing. I love that you've been clinging to this idea that Amy=River for so long that you've managed to morph it to fit, well, everything.

Also, I have no idea what's going to happen next week, but if it is anything like this, I will bake you a Matt Smith-shaped cake. Pinky swear.
AND SEE IT ALLOWS FOR ALL THREE OF MY FAVORITE PAIRINGS -- AMY/RORY, ELEVEN/RIVER, AND ELEVEN/AMY -- TO ACTUALLY WORK OUT. AND IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.

Also...don't bake me a Matt Smith-shaped cake. Because then I might try to make out with it, and I'd get all cakey.
Why is your brain so brilliant?
This is a FANTASTIC theory to explain of all the Moffat mindfuckery we've been experiencing. I so wish this could be cannon. Except...what about when she has to go to the library? :(

Also, I would love it if you wrote a fic about this, because this concept is too brilliant not to become a full-fledged story.
Well, I've got a couple of ways to explain the Library. For one thing, it's entirely possible that she can be saved from the computer -- after all, the computer saved all the other thousands of people and restored them back to their original bodies somehow. Another possibility (thanks, Moffat/Graham!) is that ACTUALLY THAT RIVER IS A GANGER. (I love being able to default on that now.)
I want to see her saved from CAL sometime in the future. That would make me very happy!
The answer to everything is now either, "They haven't died, they've got to be a Ganger" or "Because Moffat."

Ironically enough, I literally just finished re-watching Forest of the Dead. I'm going to make that my head canon now, because I adore River and I really want her to live. I also really want Amy to become her now, too. It's been one of the many River theories circling about in my head. That would be fantastic if Amy turned out to be a Time Lady. She definitely has the capabilities for it. And that way, Amy can stay with the Doctor forever, as River, and all of my ships could work out! That certainly makes Amy/River/Doctor fics a bit wibbly though, doesn't it?
That's what our imaginations are for! I love the relationship that Amy has with the Doctor, bu I also love River's relationship with him. I suppose I'm more a River/Doctor shipper, but if Moffat had chosen to go with Amy, I would have been just as happy! :)

Holy mother of awesome....

This is totally, definietly, plausible to my fanfic warped brain *glazed stare*. Also: THIS IS EPIC!fic. Please write asap (a.k.a. put some dialouge and a chapter break or two) :) Not only does this deal with all the Moffat!midfuckery *eye twitch* and the ultimate 'Who is River??' question (which if you think about it, now makes all the spoilahhs into hahahahahah-smug-I-know-something-you-dont-knowwws) BUT it also means that currently canon Rory/Amy can work out, the possibly!canon River/11 aaand everyficauthorsdream!canon of 11/Amy can work out. The only thing that could make this more awesome would be to work Jenny (10's "daughter") into this as like a long lost child-who will-soo-turn-up-one-day-and-be-o-HAI-missed-youuu-mwah and be able to pilot the TARDIS (because you know she has built/stolen/bought a black market one of her own already lol.)

Sorry for the hyphens, crack theories/fic get me hyper and the fact that Ive drunk too much coffee and am STILL laughing like a hyena on drugs @ this.

Much Love, please write this sooon, Mwah :p
This is amazing and genius.
And I think this is canon.
Yes, I've quite decided it is...so...yes.

And you're flawless.


We need to be friends.
y/y?

<3
This is a fascinating crack theory. I came here to leave you a "Hello-I-miss-seeing-you-on-LJ-and-also-reading-your-lovely-fic" post and then read your theory while I was here. So, in any case, hi! *waves awkwardly*